And All of A Sudden!!

And all of a sudden I have lost my appetite. I no longer want to attend the fancy parties I was once excited to be a part of. I no longer wish to talk to anyone. I don’t know what takes over but whenever I get in this phase it messes up with my life. And then it takes me ages to be back on the track of life. I do not wish to go through this phase yet here I am feeling every ounce of it. I know it has returned. I may know what caused it, I may not. Either way, obviously I am not telling you. Because I feel like it will be a burden on you. Yes you will say that it’s not. Yes you will say that you can hear to whatever I am feeling but deep down it gets hard to convince my gut. I am at that stage where I no longer want to debate, fight, smile, or simoly exist. Suddenly all of my life choices are coming back as a big question and they have started to pinch me really bad. SuddenlyI am reminded of all those choice I deliberately made that had put a strain on me. Suddenly I am reminded of the one choice I didn’t take part in making and how ut has affected the course of my life. Suddenly I am feeling myself detached from the world. Sometimes I wish I had made a hole in my house so whenever I felt miserable I would simply sit there until my old self returned. Sometimes I wish that I was a different person because who feels that way? And that too, on such small things? I don’t know if I make sense. I don’t know if my words make sense. I only know that suddenly that one choice is haunting me like the ghost I used to see when I was four. I only know that suddenly that one choice is making me question my existence. I only know that suddenly I am seeing myself walk down the path I shouldn’t or maybe I should but no one would let me. Suddenly I am doing what you will ask me not to do. Because I am giving up. I made up my mind. I am giving up.