Complex!!

Inferiority Complex is something that will ruin your everyday and that doesn’t let you live with peace. I was the girl who faced this inferiority complex in my childhood. Why do people feel inferior? It’s sometimes because they think they don’t fit in the perfect family picture or they don’t have any qualities in them.

I was very dull student as a kid, whereas my elder and younger sisters were very intelligent. I never scored good in my school and every year I saw my sisters going up to the stage to receive the awards for being the toppers. I wanted to be like them but I was a constant failure. I was a shame for my family. And then there was one other silly thing that I felt was the colour of my skin. I was little tan as compared to the rest of my family. This was something that added more depression and anxiety to my life.

My parents always tried to make me see the brighter side but as a kid there was just one thing that roamed in my mind and that was : I am nothing but a shame. I was in this constant depression that I don’t fit in the family. I was weak, dull, brown and moreover I had squint.( a condition in which one or maybe both of your eyes can’t really focus) All of these things made me vulnerable.

My family used to cheer me up by saying that I am also good. My khala ( mother’s sister) used to say that Maryam secured more percentage than her sisters. I knew all of this was rubbish, I really appreciated the fact that they always encouraged me even when I got 11th position in class but, still I knew that I was not even close to good.

My complexion was the biggest complex of all. I hated myself for being born that way. Once, I cried the whole day and brought a beauty soap for myself just so that I can have white skin too. All this continued until one day my mother told me that It’s not true that those who aren’t white aren’t cute or good.

She told me that I have qualities no one else have, she encouraged me in a way no one else could ever had. She told me to focus on the things I can rather than focusing on things I cannot. She asked me to see what I am able to instead to seeing what I am not able to. She asked me to discover what I like and focus on the abilities Allah has bestowed me with. One thing that she said was Allah created me the way I should be. My abilities are different from my sisters and that doesn’t make me a shame for the family. People are different, that’s what make them live.

I am still not as good in academics as my sisters are but, since that day I struggled real hard to change my thinking. The colour of your skin never decides your abilities. Dark skin doesn’t mean ugly, it means that you are different, it means you are not like most of the people. Your academics help you earn money but there’s something else you need to focus on, something more important. And it’s what makes you happy, what brings out the best in you, what makes you able to be proud of yourself. Try to find the thing that you own and nobody else does. You are perfect with this brown skin of yours. I started loving the same brown colour of my skin and I don’t regret it.

I am not in an type of inferiority complex now. I never was jealous of my sisters, it was just the fact that I am not a bright student but I realized that what is the top for me may not be for the one standing next to me. Adler’s psychology explains a lot. He emphasized on this inferiority complex and stated that It makes your personality. Yes, I believe in his theory. I am who I am today is because of the complex I had some ten years ago.

I am able to write and that’s my power. Allah has bestowed me with the talent of writing and I should use it in the best ways possible. I should focus on making it better and better day by day.

Not every kid in class can score 20/20. There will be some students studying hard but still get 18. It’s not because they are dull, it’s because they are just different in their intelligence, it’s because they have a different approach o things. Not everyone is same, not even the identical twins born. Allah has created variations and this variation exist in the 7.7 billion people breathing on this planet.

DON’T JUDGE PEOPLE. DON’T TELL YOUR KID TO STUDY EVEN MORE WHEN HE’S ALREADY SPENDING SOME 20 HOURS BUT STILL GETTING 17, YOU ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE. DON’T DEMOTIVATE BECAUSE THEY ARE ALREADY FIGHTING A BATTLE, A BATTLE ONLY THEY CAN FIGHT AND WIN.