Even After Years!!
Another Piece of Paper she tore from the notebook. This time the colour was red, like her heart. She watched the desk on which her hands were resting. Hands that once used to have the warmth, now pale and white. She cupped her cheeks just to remember what it felt back then to have warmth.
“Even after years, it still pains me to see you.” She began writing with tears in her eyes. This wasn’t supposed to happen. The picture from yesterday kept playing in her mind. When she saw what she left in the past. When she saw the person she wasn’t supposed to see. Even after all these years, she still felt that burn in her heart when her eyes landed on the smiling figure. The smile she died to see, the smile she prayed would never fade. The smile that was once solely for her but now..
“I thought the phase of indifference is finally here. But I was wrong. I guess this is because my heart is not ready to accept this stage of indifference. Why? Because when there is involved the heart, you really are helpless. Aren’t you? I saw your smile and it pained me. I saw how your eyes twinkled and it pained me. I bled to death because all of the scars reappeared. You know why? Because I lost the only battle I never wanted to lose. I screamed, I shouted looking at your laughing face. No, it’s not that I hate you for smiling or laughing like that. It’s just that after everything that happened how could you laugh? I know you made a choice and I respect that with all my heart but then again, whenver I see your eyes closed when laughing, I am reminded of all those times I was in pain and you knew. All those times I was in crying and you wiped my tears. All those times I showed you my scars and you applied bandage. But it was you who staked me when I healed completely. I can never say this to you on your face and I pray that we never get to that point. I will be miserable whenever I see you smiling like that even in future I know. It’s something I cannot change. Yes, I loved you. Yes I still do but we don’t belong together. Not after you made a choice, a clear one. Yes your choice will always be respected. I pray no one ever make that kind of choice against you ever because I don’t think you can go through the pain I do. Whenever I see you smiling or laughing a little part inside of me dies yet I pray for your smile and laughter to be wide. You have made me self-destructive that I know I will bled while looking at your happy face and still I pray for it.”
She folded the paper nicely and placed it among different folded coloured papers. Another untold story was now resting in that drawer of hers.
