I failed as a Human Being!!

We as kids always think to be anything but a failed human being, to achieve everything but faliure. As a normal kid, I prayed for that simple wish too. I always wanted to be something but a faliure, to do something other than failing others. And here I am not talking about the success because as a kid I hated studying so the thought of being successful in terms of money or education never occurred to me. What I always wanted was to be on the right side of the line. What I always dreamed was to be among those who can do something by raising their voices against the bad going on. What I wanted was to make a difference, to be the one who stands against injustice and not the one who stands with it. I knew that standing for the right and raising your voice against the injustice is hard, it can be difficult but never once in my life I thought that standing against the wrong can be so difficult that it drains all of your energy.
Today, I certainly can say that I failed as a human being. That the one thing I wished to do, the one thing I always dreamt of doing wasn’t fulfilled. Life can get so much hard that you can never explain it. Everyone is fighting a battle but what worth you are if you are not able to at least help them fighting the battle. Some battles need more battalions than just one, yes some of them are only to be fought by you, but in some battles you really need someone by your side. Someone who can assure you that you are not alone. But what to do when you can’t be the battalion? What to do when you are tightly tied in the shakals you cannot possibly break free from? What to do when you are in an apocalyptic world where you need someone to lean on but all you see around is the opposite? Utopia, if you ask me, is a place where you can stand firmly on what you believe. Where you won’t go in hiding when the times are trivial outside because of the chains that are holding you to the ground. Where you won’t be forced a lens that you don’t believe in. Where you won’t have to believe in something just because everyone believes in it. Where the ground beneath your feet will be strong enough for your legs to remain firm. If you ask me about utopia, I would say a place where there won’t be anyone with the obsession of ruining other’s lives, just because those others are better than them. Alas! The only thing I am good at, is crying my heart out. I know I am the most coward people of all to ever exist. But you don’t know the place this is coming from. I certainly know how taking tye first step can open the doors for you but sometimes you can’t take even the first step too, because your every nerve is entangled in those shakals that only God can break.
I am glad to find my escape in writings, a place which I have woven with my own hands, a place where I can create my own utopia, share my fears, talk about my dilemma, a place which keeps me sane but at last I need to ask my self, FOR HOW LONG?