There is this famous saying that goes, "No regrets only lessons Learned." I used to say that too, for a very long time, until I came to realise that no, this is not it. I have some regrets, and even they taught me the biggest lessons but still I count them as regrets.
I regret being vulnerable to those who took advantage and used it against me in dark times. I regret opening up to those who never cared about it at all. I regret trusting people too soon and then ending up in a ditch with no backup at all. I regret relying on those for help who had the rope but didn’t throw it towards me so that I can get out and breathe fresh air again. I regret shedding tears for those who were not even worth it. I regret confessing my love to those who took it as an advantage and hurt me.
I regret not been able to see the true identities of people hidden beneath the masks they carried around me. I regret not being able to see the intentions of others. There are so many things that I regret and I will regret them for life. I regret crossing paths with those who left me all alone in times of crisis, I regret being the shoulder of those who gave me innumerable scars.
Yes, I do believe in no expectations, because they hurt and I don’t even think about anything good in return but still I have regrets. And the biggest regret is that all these people have made me not to trust anyone around me ever. Do you know how hard is it to not believe anyone around you? It is painful. That you cannot trust anyone, even if you want so hard to trust them. Because you gave all your trust to those who didn’t deserve it. It is so painful when you want to love but the fear of being left out again like always makes you sit in a corner not stepping up at all. I regret meeting those people who made me the human I am today, that I just can’t trust anyone even if I want so bad. So yes, I have regrets and I will have them for the rest of my life. I am trying, slowly and steadily, to be that old person again, to be able to trust people again, to be able to tell them my geniuine feelings and maybe I will do that one day, but the path to reach that end point is so long that it may take years for me to reach, or maybe I will never reach it.