I Know I Have My Other Half

When I struggled so hard, I fought everything and pushed her out of my life. Why does dark feel like home again? I thought I was done, but I am not. The same dark that packed her bags a few weeks ago with a promise of leaving me forever is again standing at my door. This time around, with a bag as big as my house. I should have shooed her away. I should have asked her to return, but instead, I let her in. She is a combination of all of my favourite smells. She is wearing all my favourite colours, the ones I never got to tell her about, the ones I started liking after she went away. How does she know me that well?

She smells the place and tells me it is not nice here. I can’t lie. It’s not.

The place is suffocating me. My heart will come out of my ribcage or sink further into my stomach. Sometimes, I do wish that happen. For it will be temporary pain and then silence forever. I don’t know; dark is my happy place now. Do you know why? Well, for several reasons, one is that she always stays by my side. Even when I asked her to leave, she stood right around the corner. She knew the people I ran after would turn back, slap me hard across my face, and run away from me. She knew the daggers I was saving them from would be placed in my heart one day. And she knew when that happened; I would need her. And that’s true, that is true.

For I am standing with a dagger in my heart. Oh God, how many times dark whispered in my ear to never trust people? I was so silly to go on and ignore every little word she whispered. “They will make you leave everyone for them, and when you have no one but them, they will eventually leave you as well.” Oh God, I wish I had listened to her. But I never. I was always too intelligent to listen to her. She was always right.

Dark is inspecting everything like she is looking at the changes I underwent. I stand there in silence, looking at the floor. For I don’t know how to tell her she was right all along. But when do I ever need a word with her? That’s what’s so special about us. I don’t speak, and she knows. I don’t show, and she knows. She comes closer. Slightly pats my head, and she knows I will melt under her touch. She hugs me, But now the kind in which you are shoulder to shoulder. The type in which one of the people is hovering over the other to ensure them that now they are safe; that now they are home.

Dark hovers over me. I feel at home. I cry rivers. She doesn’t say a word. She knows I am hurt. “You need to stop inflicting pain on yourself.” She says ever so slightly like the wind on a cold night. But it’s not cold; it’s gentle and warm. She knows my heart is sinking deep. “I am here. Aren’t I?” She whispers again, and I nod ever so slightly that if she weren’t so close, she would have missed it. She keeps me tight in her warm embrace until I feel myself. My happiness is now back. I know I am not alone now. I know I have my other half back. And this time, I am going to listen to each word she says.