I want to make a Home!!
Wrote this after listening to Lose Control by Zoe. Actually this specific line ‘Cause you were home.’ And here it is!
I want to make a home, a place where it's everything that constitutes to be a small part of my existence, everything that makes me Me. A home where nothing is ever perfect because am I? A place where my demons are no longer under my bed but sitting at the front porch with my guardian angel. Where my laughter and cries are echoed in the hallway at the same time. Where there is happiness and sadness roasting peanuts near the fireplace. Where it's empathy and revenge making dinner. Each wall will be painted with colours I saw with smile and tears in my eyes. But there is something else I want; I want YOU in my home.
I want to make a home around you. The home of mine will have your essence everywhere. Where your laughter will carry my anxiety in its lap and put it to sleep. Where my smiles will hold your grims tight while treading down that uneven path. Where it will be our happiness knitting patterns with our griefs in the backyard. Where it will be my demons waiting for your sanity by the window.
I want to make a home around you, and not the whole you. I have seen people being shattered like the fragile glass when they make someone their home. This is why, no matter how dear you are to me, you will never be the home I crave for, a place I long for. Rather, you will be a part of the whole and not the whole itself. There will be a home around you.
So, in case you ever leave it’s not the whole world of mine that collapses but some.
So that when you leave maybe happiness will try to follow your sanity, maybe my smile will beg your sadness to come back because how fast they became one. But I will still have the others, I know my demons will still wait for me and I know it might take long but my happiness will . Because I know a time will come when my havoc will demand your smile’s room, when my sorrows and griefs will annoy your happiness by not leaving their room. But who knows all of this is reversed? That maybe your havoc consumes my happiness and your wrecks toss my smiles out of the house?
It’s not the tornadoes I fear that will break my home, it’s me!
