Letters Addressed To The Fire-Series/2/
To Everyone!
12/03/20
Thursday
1:00 am PST
You know sometimes you just want to die. Even though you prayed and hoped that life after this certain period of time will be great, that after all this misery there is a day full of fresh flowers and fruity smell waiting for you, that there are better days with stamp of your name being dispatched to your place from above.
When your childhood is messed up you wish for a better teens life, when your single life is messed up, you wish for a great married life, when it sucks being dependent you wait for that independent life of yours, to have the liberty to just breathe with no pressure and anxiety, to live with nor remorse.
But, just then, right in the middle of all this hope, a tiny bud of chaos appears that grows in to a huge tree until it starts to suffocate you and so you aren’t able to breathe. You see all the hopes, all the desires simply in a numb way fading away. You feel the air around is tight. Because it kills you that you are accused of something and you cannot say anything in your defense.
Because, it fucking kills you when you want to cry but you can’t because people think it’s petty. Because when you talk to someone they just carelessly asks you to leave it and move on. You want to shriek until people think of you as being possessed. You want to cry until the lungs give out.
All the times you wanted to run away as far as you could, they just simply fade too because this chaos is so giant and huge. And now, there remains this constant desire for the Lord to call you towards Him.
Yes, you haven’t met your Significant other, yes you haven’t got the job you wished, yes you haven’t completed your dreams, yes you haven’t tasted the independence.
But, you still ask for DEATH. Because, you just can’t bear being in this ditch that is more painful than hell. Your nerves just can’t take it. You can’t swim to the other end.
If you think of all this is something so strange and unreal, I hope you never get to see this hell because you don’t know how hard is it to constantly loose your peace of mind, every single day!!!!!
