Letters Addressed To the Fire- Series /3/
1/06/19
Thursday,
2:00 am EST,
2019
I wonder do you feel butterflies like I do? Does your heart skip a beat when hearing my voice? Is it me who light up your dull day with a smile? Do I make you stumble upon your words when around? Do you find yourself short of words when I am in sight?
Because honestly, I feel all these things and so much more. I feel butterflies in my stomach when I hear your name. My heart skip a beat every time I hear your voice. You light up my dull day just with a smile. You make me stumble upon my words whenever I see your face, I find myself short of words whenever you are in sight. I don’t feel like I can ever say all of this to your face. I know that’s too much for a boy to fee, because boys don’t feel that way right? But, guess what you have made me feel that way. Yes, I have liked people before, yes I have had crushes on other girls before, but none of them made me feel this way. None of them made me crazy like you do.
The way you talk to me. The way you are always there for me. The times when you know how mad I feel about things, even when I am not sure about it. I love how you handle me at times when even I can’t handle myself. I love how you take care of me even when it’s not an obligation. I love how you are the one person I can always rely on in times of crisis.
I sure have done some bad things to you. I sure have made you feel bad many times. I sure get mad over nothing and hurt you, but trust me I regret all that stuff. I am sorry from the core of my heart. I am sorry to be the one who hurt you when you give nothing but your never ending care in return. I am sorry for all those times I made you feel miserable just because I was being petty. I am sorry for the mess that I create in our friendship.
I was almost dying that day when you with your comforting words healed me without knowing. Do you do that to everyone? Heal them or is that just for me? At times my heart says I am no special and you give this care to everyone, but at times my heart says that you do give the care to everyone, but the way you give that to me is different than others. I don’t know, I know that you know I don’t like some certain stuff and you make sure to respect it. I like when you respect my decisions, my boundaries and you don’t force your opinions on me.
I always wonder at night, is there any one you love? Is there any one who makes you feel all the way you make me feel. Because if there is, he is the luckiest to be loved by you. I am not jealous of him, or maybe I am, I don’t know. I can never know how will I feel seeing you with someone else, maybe I will move on just like in the movies, but maybe I will die, as in not leaving this place, but maybe I won’t ever feel the same for anyone ever again, who knows, at least I don’t.
This feeling, it doesn’t let me sleep at nights. I just keep staring at the ceiling blankly, and this same feeling makes me the safest at times when I am sure of the danger ahead. I wish to tell you, but I know I won’t ever, for I don’t want to ruin this friendship that we have, because what if you don’t feel the same..
Someone asked me to write this a long time ago,
To all the one sided lovers who will never be able to express their feelings!
