Regret and I go way back in time!!
I love to write, no matter how stupid or cliche it may sound. There is a story that I am writing and in one of the chapters I wrote this line “regret and I go way back in time.” This is a dialogue that one of the protagonists speak and immediately after writing it down I looked at and thought, “wow, this is me” So, why not just shed some light on this particular sentence. But before we move forward, this is what I wrote in the chapter:
If asked, I could do a complete monologue on regret standing right there in the middle of nowhere. I was even thinking of writing a piece titled Regret and I go way back in time. His damn smile wasn’t dying down and God I wanted to punch him so bad.
Now, let’s come back and relate this to my own life. I once wrote a piece that was something along the lines of ‘No I don’t believe in no regrets only lessons learned because there are somethings I regret with my whole heart.’ So, here am I, writing about how regret and I go way back in time.
And, it’s not about the giant things that I regret, like telling someone how much they mean to me only for them to leave me hanging in the middle. It’s about the small things as well. Like that one time when I smiled at someone and afterwards I kept thinking ‘God, they think I am weird’ because they gave me that look. So, yeah I regretted that smile there.
But, it’s not just that. Sometimes I regret being at a place where I wasn’t valued and there are a few things that still haunt me at night. Like that one time when I should have taken a stand for myself but I didn’t because I didn’t want to hurt them and ended up hurting myself so bad. There is a list of things that I regret, like saying that one sentence in a family gathering that I shouldn’t have. The slip of the tongue that should not have happened. But then again, on the other hand, what choice do I have?
If I look at it this way; I am a human who is bound to make mistakes. But then again my other side speaks up; Yes But you regret a ton of things on daily basis. Liek you regret texting too soon, when you know better to wait for a few hours and reply when you are completely in your senses. Or that when you are all excited about something that you overshare and it ends up bringing a lot more trouble for you than you anticipated.
But, you know what I regret the most? I regret that I took myself for granted at so many places. I regret that I didn’t value myself, or that I didn’t cherish the way I was, instead I focused on what they wanted me to be and tried to be that person. I regret not being THE ONE for myself.
